Tuesday, September 24, 2002


The UN is considering closing their office in Australia. In what will be a body blow to the Forces of Goodness and Niceness, budget cuts appear to have forced the withdrawal, even from known trouble spots like The Land of Oz. Progressive groups fear the imminent outbreak of lawlessness, environmental catastrophe, random shooting of immigrants, and armed incursion into Tasmania.
"The office symbolically is a constant reminder that Australia is a founding member of the UN and that Australia is a country involved and engaged in international issues,' the director of the UN in Australia, Juan Carlos Brandt, said yesterday. "It would be a sad development (to close down)."

Greens Senator Bob Brown says the UN presence was all that prevented the Evil Fascist Howard Government from wanton rapine and pillage. Without the constant reminder of our international obligations, Brown fears immediate ejection of all non-Aryan residents, and a return to “rum, sodomy and the lash”.

In what may explain the UN’s current financial woes, it was revealed that although the Sydney office cost $US300,000, the budget was set in Australian dollars to the tune of $AUS548,000,000, an exciting new exchange rate of .0054 US cents to the dollar. It is not known if this is an informal exchange rate available only to UN budget officers, or a shadow of things to come After The Fall.

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