Wednesday, August 28, 2002

This Guy should be writing for The Onion.
These are excerpts of longer articles, because I Know You Want More
McDonald's To Launch Restaurants for Protestors

Following yet another lawsuit, McDonald's Corporation announced today it intends to launch restaurants specifically for protestors.

"We looked at the demographics and it just made sense," according the news release. "Protestors are everywhere and they're very vocal about what they like and what they don't. In essence, they're the ultimate target market.

Or this:
Saddam Demands U.S. Battle Plans

Iraqi dictator-for-life Saddam Hussein petitioned the United Nations today for a complete copy of U.S. battle plans for any future attack on his oil-rich, highly-literate, deeply-religious, peaceful, modern nation.

"How are we going to prepare our people for the mother of all victories if we have nothing but speculative reports from CNN and The New York Times?" he asked through a spokesman, who had a wooden head and sat perched on Hussein's left knee during the news conference.

And my favourite
Slogan Chanters Sway Senator's Vote

WASHINGTON D.C. -- An unnamed U.S. Senator revealed today that he had changed his vote on a key piece of legislation after hearing a handful of protestors chanting a slogan near the Senate office building.

"At first I just ignored them, like I do every day," the Senator said. "But that clever little rhyming slogan kept coming back to me...and the rhythmic way they were chanting it just kept pounding in my brain."



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